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LordXenophon
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If you really lived in Paragon City, what kind of jokes would you tell? We want to hear them! Bring us your quips, your funny stories, your bad limericks. If you write them, we will laugh!
 There is just one rule. Your joke has to be one a citizen of Paragon would tell about something or someone in Paragon. Please don't post any unrelated jokes or random comments.
And so, without further ado, here is our first Paragon City joke:
The Can Man and Pyr4t were hanging out at Spanky's Boardwalk, with nothing to do. They were really bored. Can Man turned to Pyr4t and asked, "I wonder how long this pier is."
"I have no idea," Pyr4t said. "Do you want to find out?"
They couldn't find a tape measure long enough, so Pyr4t measured the width of a plank and the width of a slit between planks. "Each plank is 4 inches wide and there's a 1 inch gap between planks. We just have to multiply the number of planks by 4 and add the number of slits, and that's the length of the pier in inches."
"That's easy," said the Can Man. "You count the planks and I'll count the slits."
Off they went down the pier. Pyr4t counted the planks all the way to the end of the pier, then stopped and waited for the Can Man. When he got to the end, the Can Man tried to count one more and fell right off the end of the pier.
"Hey, Can Man! Don't you know?" said Pyr4t, "When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!"
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| 05/26/06 18:20 |
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LordXenophon
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Q: Why is one ceartian Devouring Earth always invited to parties?
A: Because he's a fungi.
Q: Why did the fungi leave the party early?
A: Because there wasn't mushroom.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
        
          
          
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| 05/26/06 19:06 |
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thejeni
Posts: 26
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Three Tsoo walk into a bar. Which is kinda funny because i figured at least one of them would have seen it.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
Siggy created by DeathFetish.
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| 05/26/06 19:11 |
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singularity
Posts: 39
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Why have Nemesis taken to watching Star Trek all the time?
A: Because they love to watch the episode that had their name in it.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 05/26/06 19:33 |
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LordXenophon
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Three soldiers walk into a bar - a 5th Column Raserai, a Council Archon and an Arachnos Wolf Spider Huntsman. They each order a shot of whiskey.
The Council Archon tosses back his whiskey, hurls the glass into the fireplace and says, "In Italy, everyone is so rich that we can buy all the glasses we want, so we never have to drink with the same ones twice."
The 5th Column Raserai downs his whiskey in one gulp, tosses the glass into the fireplace and says, "In Germany, our industry is so powerful that we can make all the glasses we want, so we never have to drink with the same ones twice, either."
The Arachnos Huntsman looks at the Archon and the Raserai, finishes his whiskey, and sets the glass down calmly on the bar. Then, quick as lightning, he draws two pistols and puts a bullet in each of the other two soldiers. As they fall, he says to the startled bartender, "In the Rogue Isles, we have so many villains that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
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| 05/26/06 20:57 |
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LordXenophon
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A soldier walks into a bar with a Warwolf. He asks the bartender, "Do you serve Mutants here?"
"Why, yes we do," replies the bartender.
"Good," says the soldier. "Give one to my Warwolf, and I'll have a beer."
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| 05/27/06 15:14 |
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Anachron
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Please delete above post, although I clicked once to submit it added 2 posts.
--
Q. How do you confuse a Paragon City cop?
A. Hand them a ticket book an tell them to issue parking tickets.
--
Q. Why does the Warwolf population contine to grow no matter how many are defeated?
A. Ever tried to fix a Warwolf?
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The People in the Rogue Isles are so poor that the street vendors can sell nothing and remain in business (funnier yet they can even turn a profit.)
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A Paragon City Event we would like to see...
A Redcap tossing contest.
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If you were to number the level of evilness from 1 to 10 where 1 is most evil and 10 is least, how would you arrange this list, remember be honest (Rogue Isle residents need not answer.)
Choices:
Lord Recluse
George Bush
Saddam Hussein
Martha Stewart
Statesman
The Olsen Twins
A Bag of Dead Puppies
Ronald McDonald (No... i'm not lovin' it)
Barney The Dinosaur "Strangers are just friends you havn't met yet" --Quoted by Barney
A Bag of Carrots
Here is what I chose.
1 = Martha Stewart
2 = Barney
3 = The Olsen Twins
4 = George Bush
5 = Saddam Hussein
6 = Lord Recluse
7 = Ronald McDonald
8 = A Bag of Dead Puppies
9 = A Bag Of Carrots
10 = Statesman
Poll brought to you buy The Waste Of Time Company where our Motto is "If you have the time we can waste it."
I have more... lol :P
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 05/27/06 16:49 |
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Sunshine
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Q: how do u turn a rikti on?
A: start calling it "my little love monkey"
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Q: what did one hero say to the other just before he died?
A: "hey, watch this"
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Statesman and positron walk into a bar and positron asked, "Give me the hardest liquor drink you have here."
the bartender obliged, and positron drank it in one gulp. he was instantly hit by the full effect of the drink and almost passed out.
Staesman said, "I'll take one of those too."
The bartender gave him one.
"lightweight," statesman said to positron, "let me show you how its done." statesman nerfed the drink and drank it.
meh, that ones not as funny as it was in my head.
Thanks to Death Fetish for kicka$$ siggy!!!
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| 05/27/06 18:53 |
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Anachron
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There is a man From Talos Isle-
Who likes to wave and to smile-
When villains he see's-
He stops and he pee's-
Then runs away for awhile. :P
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 05/27/06 19:36 |
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LordXenophon
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A guy comes out of a building and he sees a Hellion breaking into his car. "Hey! This is my car!" he yells.
"OK then," says the Hellion, "You take the radio and I'll just take the tires."
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| 05/27/06 19:38 |
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Falcon15
GameAmp Staff
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How do you scare the living bejeezus out of the Fir Bolg?
Walk around Croatoa wearing a t-shirt that says "Peter-Peter, Pumpkin Eater".
Here is a riddle for you:
Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, A reformed Freakshow member, and an ethical lawyer are standing around a 100 dollar bill. Who would get the 100 bill?
Answer: None of them since they are all imaginary creatures and do not exist.
Statesman, Positron and Back Alley Brawler are all arguing about who has the most incredible super-dog. So they decide to settle the argument with a small contest. They would each put their super-dog to a task and the owner of the most incredible super-dog would gain a million prestige. So, with their dogs in tow, they all gather at Statesman's farm.
Positron volunteers to go first and hollers "Go to it Photonic!", upon which Positron's dog leaps up and using a pencil, a piece of yarn and a paperclip devises a laser weapon that cuts Statesman's barn in half.
Positron chuckles dryly and gives his dog a bone, and his dog lays down at his feet.
Back Alley Brawler harrumphs and snaps his fingers and yells "Get'em Knuckles", whereupon Back Alley's dog rushes into the now burning barn and emerges carrying 4 fully grown cows on his back, which he places in a pasture safely away from the fire. Back Alley gives Knuckles a bone and Knuckles lays down at Back Alley's feet.
Statesman just smiles and quietly says "Show em how it's done, Dubya" whereupon Dubyah gets up, nerfs the other two dogs, takes their bones and goes out to lunch.
"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes" - Vlad Taltos
"Not all still water runs deep. Some of it is pretty damn shallow." - Personal Observation
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein
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| 05/27/06 20:46 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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A Japaneese schoolgirl walks into a bar with a cute, little panda on her shoulder.
"Hey, where did you get that?" asks the bartender.
"In Japan," says the panda. "They have millions of them."
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| 05/27/06 21:24 |
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Sunshine
Posts: 2
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A tuatha de dannon walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?"
he was instantly eaten.
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| 05/27/06 22:18 |
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Madclergy
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Cit 1: Your Momma is so fat, she went to icon and bought a green costume she parades around as the Green Mile
Cit 2: In retaliation I should probably tell you that the fabric they used is your moms shower towel oh!!!
Pinnacle (My server of love)
Geo Wizard: Lvl 50 Earth/Kin With Speed Boost and Stamina yay. Not to mention kick butt holds. Including Volcanic Gases, hehe. And now with his own moronic Animated Stone. And Transference!!! New and improved, 3 lvls in one day, adding to his arsenal Fulcrum Shift..oh yea. Can't wait to get some time under his belt now. I can now hurl Boulders....omfg no he didn't :) I look so pimp in my newest power...its brown and bumpy all over..can you guess?... Thats right is Stone Armor and it is kick butt. Fissure rocks my world! Fifty soon. Fifty on 12-10-2005 at 12:35am after 400hrs of hard labor Wanna throw a special shout out to Illusion Mastor, CBail, Mudpuppy, Jupiter Sweets, Dark Hollow, Lethal Fury, Pan, Majin Tank, Lotus of Death, and all the others i know I am forgetting for their help. And also to all the gameampers here at gameamp whom without I would never have made it.
Playing Card
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| 05/27/06 22:50 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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There once was a hero, named Fu-Zin
Who tried to fight Trolls but was losin'.
A Troll threw two boulders
And broke both his shoulders
And now he's just laying there snoozin'.
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| 05/27/06 23:20 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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Q: How many Dark Vampyri does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They all vanish when the light comes on.
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| 05/28/06 15:15 |
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Madclergy
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Cit 1: Hey Read this headline
Party Under Atlas for treasured Flame Throwing hero goes wrong
Witness says the whole situation just blew up
Cit 2: Again? You would think in a city full of heroes they could find something new...
Pinnacle (My server of love)
Geo Wizard: Lvl 50 Earth/Kin With Speed Boost and Stamina yay. Not to mention kick butt holds. Including Volcanic Gases, hehe. And now with his own moronic Animated Stone. And Transference!!! New and improved, 3 lvls in one day, adding to his arsenal Fulcrum Shift..oh yea. Can't wait to get some time under his belt now. I can now hurl Boulders....omfg no he didn't :) I look so pimp in my newest power...its brown and bumpy all over..can you guess?... Thats right is Stone Armor and it is kick butt. Fissure rocks my world! Fifty soon. Fifty on 12-10-2005 at 12:35am after 400hrs of hard labor Wanna throw a special shout out to Illusion Mastor, CBail, Mudpuppy, Jupiter Sweets, Dark Hollow, Lethal Fury, Pan, Majin Tank, Lotus of Death, and all the others i know I am forgetting for their help. And also to all the gameampers here at gameamp whom without I would never have made it.
Playing Card
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| 05/28/06 21:22 |
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Falcon15
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Q: How many Vazhilok does it take to eat a possum?
A: Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.
Q: If a Hellion Damned, a Skull Bone Daddy, and a Freakshow Tank jumpped off of a sky scraper at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
Answer 1: The Bone Daddy. The Hellion Damned would have to stop and set the building on fire and the Tank would stop to smash the windows and steal computer parts from the offices he passes.
Answer 2: Who cares?
"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes" - Vlad Taltos
"Not all still water runs deep. Some of it is pretty damn shallow." - Personal Observation
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein
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| 05/29/06 07:29 |
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themullet
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The worst thing for a member of the skulls to do is to call his boss, Mr. Boner
Virtue
Talom - 34 Martial/Regen Scrapper
Heaven's Flame - 30 Ice/Fire Tank
Peach M5 - 21 Empathy/Electic Defender
Remover - 17 Illusion/Kenetic Controller
Mullet. - 12 Sonic/Energy Blapper
Shaz Bob - 12 Fire/Ice Blaster
Cry of the Wind - 9 Sonic/Sonic Defender
S'kah - 7 Claws/Reflex Scrapper
Exploding Cheese Boy - 8 Rad/Rad
Sheika - 10 Kenetic/Archer
Freedom
Humble Mullet - 9 Arrow/Archery Defender
Arieh Frost - 5 Inv/Ice tank
Sword of Zion - 7 katana/reflex Scrapper
Silhouetta - 7 Dark/Reflex Scrapper
Justice
Star Shower - 17 Energy/Energy Blaster
Pinnacle
Karla Kendrick - 13 Merc/Field MM
Sianne - 10 Grav/Psi Dominator
Krojin - 5 Mind/Energy Dominator
R'ad - 12 SS/Electric Brute
Beast of Kalgar - 7 Dark/Energy Stalker
Jagoth - 8 Rad/Devices Corrupter
Hi, my name is The Mullet and I'm an Altoholic
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| 05/29/06 08:57 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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Two citizens are eating lunch in the break room.
Cit 1: I was on Mercy Island yesterday and there was a street vendor selling tea made from koala hair.
Cit 2: Did you try it?
Cit 1: Yeah. It was horrible! I kept getting koala hair in my teeth!
Cit 2: Well, you know, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained...
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| 05/29/06 12:15 |
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DeathFetish
Posts: 25
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Q. Where do Clockwork go on vacation?
A. Wireland
Q. Where are the Clockwork made?
A. The Mech Republic
Q. What are the Clockworks favorite movies?
A. Cog Day Afternnon & Resevoir Cogs
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| 05/29/06 13:53 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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Q: How do you make a Clockwork drop what's in its hands?
A: Ask it the time.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 05/29/06 17:23 |
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LordXenophon
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Q: What's the worst part about hunting giant monsters?
A: Carrying the decoys.
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| 05/29/06 23:48 |
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LordXenophon
Posts: 4
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A nurse walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor? The Invisible Girl is in the waiting room."
The doctor says, "Tell her I can't see her now."
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