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Red_Scout
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| A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey guys, I don’t know how to say this but I just gotta get it out. This isn’t a happy thread, and I know some of you will pass it off as a little whiney subject… but you know, I don’t know what else to do. Just let you know I did cuss and ban me if you will, I don’t care I can’t see any other word being strong enough to explain how I feel.
All my life I’ve been kicked around at school, the usual name calling and the such because of my overweight… morbidly obese body… and well unlike others I haven’t been able to rise above it and become a better person, instead I’ve wallowed deep inside my self pity and self hate to be able to better myself. It’s been 4 for so years since I’ve been out of school, but it doesn’t really matter I kick the feet out from under myself and spit in my own face… its difficult to do but if you get the right wind speed it is possible… I’m a tragically shy guy, I have a hard time talking to anyone or even going out and interacting with society in general, I stay in my safe small little house wasting life away. I had a “girlfriend” once, she was online, but we did meet several times off the computer. I fell head over heels for her, I wanted to treat her like the goddess that she was. Just give the world to her, I was willing to do anything for her, kill any person that messed with her. I would rip the world in two with my bare hands for her. But I had nothing to offer her, I just lost my job (it was temp job, so I don’t know if I actually lost it or not), I had no car or a driver’s license. I thought she loved me just as much as I loved her, I kind of moved too fast for her and well she broke up with me. Which devastated me, me being a real ugly, morbidly obese guy that I am, I contemplated suicide everyday, but for some reason I never went through with it. I always thought I hated myself so much then why end my misery when I can just continue out and prolong my pain, live life with nothing but a gaping wound in my chest. Well that was 4 years ago, and I almost have gotten over her. I still grit my teeth every time I hear her name or the city she lived in.
Well after a while I was in a place that while my self hate still continues, I really don’t care about my life anymore. I just want to go through life unnoticed, locked away in a cage and abandoned in a room… left alone until I die. Nothing in life interests me anymore, scaling the greatest mountain, meh, earning money and having my own home, meh. I just want it all to end.
But now I met this girl in game, and I’m falling head over heels for her again. I don’t want to, and I don’t want to move so fast. I’m crazy about her and she says that she does have feelings for me… but not exactly as strong as I do for her. Hearing this drives me insane that I can’t meet her in real life to show her what I’m really like. I want to give her the world; I’m willing to do anything for her… basically repeating my emotions from before. But unlike the first girl she’s in a different state then me… quite a bit of distance between her and I. I don’t know what to do guys. I don’t want to push her away because I’m afraid that it will end badly, and I don’t want my emotions to push her away either. I’ve thought about talking to her and saying that we shouldn’t be friends anymore, that she should completely forget about me as I should about her, because its killing me. Literally. My appetite is going away, the pain in my chest is back… I don’t know I feel like I’m gonna be dead within the month. I just can’t let her go though. As I write this I’m feeling dizzy from getting this all out… every emotion hitting me at once, its quite overwhelming. I just want to better myself so I can get out to her and be with her, but I’m afraid she wont like me in real life. I’m (Edited by Phase of Echoes) crazy guys, I mean lift a car above my head and throw it through a house kind of crazy. I feel like there’s a animal inside me trying to tear its way out of my chest. I seriously don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen a psychiatrist, I don’t take any kind of medication and I really don’t want to, I don’t want to be artificially happy… I want to be happy for reals. I don’t know what to do guys, I’m at my wits end and I can’t afford a psychiatrist, I can’t afford medication and I really can’t tell my parents about it… I can’t face them if they know what I am… I think they would think of me as weak.
What am I suppose to do. I’m so (Edited by Phase of Echoes) lost.
Edited for Language
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 08/06/06 16:18 |
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Dark Sushi
Posts: 3
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Red Scout, out of pure honesty, I can somewhat relate to how you're feeling. That, "I wish I could die, wonder how I could do it, and why the hell am I even living this pathetic life" kind of feeling. I'm no looker myself, having some messed up teeth is about the worst here, and was slightly teased. But I found somewhat of a solution.
Laughter.
It cures any problem I run into. Sometimes, you just have to laugh to stop from crying.
This is one of those things that hits people hard....really hard. Not everyone can relate, but some can, and whether or not they can help is truly up to you. Yes, you have lost a lot , and you are afraid to gain it back from what it sounds like. But fear, as far I see it, is something that reminds me I am a true individual, a thinking living being, a mere reminder that not everything will be perfect. But everything in life, the good and bad, are lessons. Learning to not touch hot things for instance, is a big one. It tells you it hurts to go through with it, but at the same time, tells you all you have to do is be more careful next time.
Some lessons are harder to learn, kind of like the more advanced classes in school leave you more experienced than others.
About those "happy" pills, I wouldn't touch them even when it was layed out in front of me. Trash. All it is. Fake happiness? Not for me, I'll live through life as my own self.
Have to go, supper is cooking, but I'll leave you with this:
A downfall of a super hero you say? When you walk away from this a better person, you can honestly say that this is the rise of a real life hero.
I'll be back, I'm not done here....
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 08/06/06 16:53 |
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Red_Scout
Posts: 23
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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I understand that laughter can be the best medicine, but it only does so much when it only lasts a short time. I love to laugh, and its great... but at the end of the day its always the same.
And well the title was just to be City of Heroes related, since I use CoH to escape reality for a minimal amount of time.
Warning, my stories and blog is not meant for those who are easily offended. If you are one of them, then avoid the link, you wussies.
Red's Blogs
Red's Stories.
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| 08/06/06 17:09 |
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Warron Peace
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Scout, I feel for ya man. I haven't been ostracised for anything of the appearance nature, but because of a overactive imagination and personality. I brought my torments on myself because I was unable to see how I 'should' act in order to be 'socially acceptable.'
That being said, years of being picked on, beat on, and abused by everyone, except for a few, likewise 'unacceptable' friends, led me to a dark period in my life, very similar to yours. I was suicidal, had taken to cutting myself, as well as punching things, like lockers and walls and such. I threatened violence at the smallest irritation, such as someone bumping into me by accident.
Now to take it a step further. It was during this time that I found a girlfriend. She was a very "open" kind of girl, if you know what I mean. I was young, 15, goin on 16, to be exact, and she took advantage of that. She spun a yarn about her stepfather abusing her, just so I would pity her, and confuse that pity for love. How naive I was. This led to me dropping out of school and running away from home, just so I can be with my "one true love". I made a mess out of my life, and it was all for nothing.
The end result is that while I did return to school, I did not graduate, instead opting to get a GED. The strain this all put on the relationship between my parents and sister and myself is still being healed, even now, 7 years later. My mother always wants to know, or has some theory as to why I left. Her theories are wrong, for the most part, but I still can't tell her what I was thinking, because to this day I don't know. All I can tell her is that I love her and that I'm sorry. I hope someday that will be enough.
After this girl and I broke up, I was homeless for a few weeks. I ended up in a Runaway and Homeless Youth program, which provided food and shelter for me in the form of 'foster' parents, for want of a better word. They also helped me find my first job, which helped me in focusing on what I wanted out of my life. All that they asked in return was that I talk to my family, and try to resolve things. Much as I didn't want to do that at the time, it was better than living on the streets. After a few mediated conversations, we came to the agreement that I could move back home with them, as long as I either maintained a job or went back to school. I ended up doing both for the next couple years.
Long story short (too late, I know), all this taught me that not everyone was against me. Going back to school and seeing all my friends (people who I never knew were my friends), even though they were a year ahead of me now, seeing all of them happy to see me back, and happy to see me in a better mood. It didn't change what I had done to my life, but it did change how I looked at my life and the people in it.
I'm sure you have seen in CoX that there are people willing to help you out, regardless of cost. These people exist in real life, too. They are out there, willing to help, but they need you to trust them, to open up to them and stop pushing them away out of fear. This is the toughest thing in the world to do. I still have troubles opening up to people (online is easier, annonimity helps alot). I tend to latch onto a small group of friends who I talk to when I need to, and block everyone else out. I guess I'm still afraid of opening up and being rejected. It's a fear that never goes away, but it can be dealt with.
I suppose my reason for saying all of this is to let you know that if you need someone to talk to, I'm hear for you bud. I've been through alot more than I've posted, and chances are I know how you are feeling, perhaps better than you do yourself (outside views are often more accurate). Feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk to just me, or we can chat freely in this thread, if thats what you prefer. I'm also available ingame via my global handle, @Warron Peace. Look me up if you want to, anytime.
And stay away from happy pills. Like laughter, they are a temporary fix, but the crash leave's you feeling worse than you did before you took them. I've done enough drugs that I should be dead from massively lethal overdoses. I wonder why I'm alive sometimes, thats how bad it was. Don't follow that road, you may not be as lucky as I am.
Hope this helps you buddy,
Warron
my current project: Spine/Will farmer, Quillpower, on Virtue.
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| 08/06/06 18:19 |
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Krav Maga
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Raises hand and says been there too and in ways still there. I know the feeling of being the outsider and also meeting someone and it not working out. I am not going to get into a lot of details about me and my life but I will say this. Life is a journey and there are those that will help like Warron Peace stated and there are those that will try to tear you down. Thing is to surround yourself with those friends that will build you and help you in life; to refuse to give up and to force yourself to leave your comfort zone. Just know that here there are those that understand what you feel and that our thoughts are with you. There are no easy answers ( if there are someone please tell me too. LOL ) just people that walk with you through your own valley's to the mountains and help you climb those as well.
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| 08/06/06 18:32 |
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SPIKEZILLA
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey bro i know what your going thru if you need to talk my global is mindslayer1. im on protector.the most important thing to remember is life goes on
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| 08/06/06 18:50 |
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Malady_Incarnate_2001
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Well, bubba...I know that a lot of people will say that they've been there...But, unfortunately, we all create our own little hells. I was a butterball growing up, and it seemed like everybody had a great time kicking the crap out of me and making my life miserable. In high school, I found an outlet. I decided to dedicate my life to the military, so I started training at the age of 14. I didn't really get into great shape until my freshman year at my military college (The Citadel - Military College of South Carolina, if anyone was wondering). Fast forward to today...After achieving my goals and becoming a stronger and more intimidating person, I've learned that it never gets better. Everyone can disagree, but they live the same miserable freaking life that we all live. We work jobs that we hate and make goals that we most likely won't achieve to fool ourselves into thinking that that there's a reason to be here. Here's a shock - There's no reason at all, bubba. The real question here is whether or not you really want to continue the struggle. You can probably find a way to keep yourself preoccupied, but you'll always feel the same inside.
Here's my recommendation: Get in shape. Learn how to fight. Take that hate that you feel for everything and start to express it. I'm not saying that you should go out and burn down a building...Or try to start a fight club. I'm saying that you should wear your feelings on the outside. Show people that you won't be messed with any longer. Find a girl close to you and start a real, lasting relationship. These things are possible...They probably won't make you any happier, but they'll take your mind off of the endlessly crappy existence that we all suffer through. That's about all I can say for now. Take it easy, bubba...Hope to see you around.
Malady
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
"Hell is empty, and all the devils are here." - William Shakespeare
CoH - Mr Brightside - Level 50 Illusion/Radiation Controller - Guardian
CoH - Mynd Warp - Level 38 Earth/Storm Controller - Liberty
CoH - Frygyd - Level 16 Ice/Storm Controller - Triumph
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| 08/06/06 20:37 |
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Nasali
GameAmp Staff
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Giving a woman's perspective...
I've been in the same boat, I've been overweight my whole life and been miserable for part of it due to the weight, I also came from a small town where I didn't fit in (we all know the rest of this story...) So let me add that I am more than willing to chat whenever you feel the need, PMs here or in game you'll find me @PookieMonster (go ahead and laugh) I'd just like to say a few things...
1.) You'll never be truly happy and find that truly perfect love until you learn to love yourself, flaws and all. Accept who you are and never regret anything because EVERYTHING makes you who you are. Learn from your past, embrace those mistakes and use that anger to drive you up, to the place you belong.
I know you're going to hate to hear this, but you're young yet, I'm 30 and didn't find the love of my life (the real one not the ones I thought were) until I was in my late 20s. The world makes you think you need to be married & have the family & house & whatnot by the time you're like 24 but get real, I've got the husband & we still can't afford the house or the dog and god forbid kids lol Things look a lot different with every passing year and I look back and think about my past worries & sometimes laugh at what a moron I was (ok, most of the time).
2.) Online dating... FIRST AND FOREMOST keep in mind that it's been proven that most online relationships don't work because you cannot express emotion thru text, so you attach the emotion you want that other person to be expressing to their text. You're not getting their genuine feelings. How many times in game has someone taken a sarcastic thing you've said seriously? I can say "I totally love the band RATT" and someone inevitably will go get you a CD that you're stuck with lol
SECONDLY I will share with you all that I am happily married and I met my husband (Deadman54) thru eHarmony.com. The personality profile alone is worth every minute of it because when it's done you get a profile of yourself in black & white shoved in your face and you get to see EXACTLY who you are (assuming you honestly answer everything). If you're looking for friends or relationships, I would strongly recommend trying that site, we both were on less than a month before we were cancelling our accounts and dedicating our time to one another and ta da! a year later we got married and I'm happier than I've ever been.
3.) Happy pills... I don't agree with going out and medicating yourself for kicks, if you take something to happy you out, the problems that are making you unhappy are still there so you'll never get away from it. HOWEVER I had a serious messy spell in my life when I found out my dad had cancer and my cousin was killed, even with my perfect husband in tow, I was totally unable to keep it together at work and everything started to slowly crumble, I talked to my doctor, he put me on Prozac for a few months just to help keep me on an even keel until things eased up in my life, cousin buried & father cancer-free after surgery, I stopped the pills and am back to the happy ole self.
If anyone ever has issues they want to discuss please, look me up, I'm a great listener and will give you any information I've gained from my life experience freely.
Nasali :)
"A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought." -- Peter Wimsey
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| 08/06/06 20:51 |
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Madclergy
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Well I thought I would reply as a fallen hero myself.
I am 17 years old, I am 5'7" (5'7.5" on a good day), and I weight 275-285lbs depending on what time of the day it is. I am not muscular, and I don't hide it well. I wear glasses, I work at a car wash (so unlike some would think, my face gets really dirty) and I can get acne real bad (coupled with being a teenager, and human). My hair is not what you would call celebrity style (in fact most of the time I just hack it all off), I have a severe overbite with severely spaced teeth, and I have a long list of genetic diseases that run in my family (including but not limited by any means to: Diabetis, Heart Disease, and Cancer)
I have been through the depression stage, where everything has no worth, you dont' want to get outta the bed in the morning because you know when you look in the mirror all you will see is the same "ugly" person as any other day. You feel like all your family friend teacher doctors are pushing "for" you trying to get you to lose only 80 lbs. (nothing better than going in to the doctors office and as he looks at his charts he "hmms" to himself and says "I think we are seeing a first here, the weight line is actually peaking over the height line on this chart" followed closely by him removing his smart glasses and saying blatantly "If you dont' lose weight you will die by time you are twenty five")
I also have the woman issue, I love her, she knows I do, has known for some time. We live in different parts of the state but I have grown so fond of her that each days feels like another step through wet concrete, it gets harder everyday the concrete is allowed to set around my feet. Yet everyday I have to live with the fact that I cannot do anything about it. I dont' know how she feels about me physically, mentally, or emotionally...but I can hope. And I am a firm believer that if there is hope there is choice, and if there is choice than there is a chance for things to go my way.
Now that you have my resume (french pronounciation :)
Here is my advice, Take it Easy. Time allows all things its due chance. If you believe that this girl is for you, relax, because where there is a will there is a way and more times than not the way will present itself blatantly, but you cannot see it if you are running about searching frantically for it (just like your car keys). Talk to her, make sure she feels the same way as you, if you invest all your emotions into a project all at once and it fails then you will feel like you a lost a lot at one time, whereas if you invest a little emotion over a greater amount of time, it won't hurt quite as bad if it fails.
As for the beast within; we all have them. Those who harnass there beast can achieve great things.
I also offer my ear to you, if you wish to PM me, please do so. I will clarify anything that I may not have presented clearly, or I could just lend a friendly ear.
Pinnacle (My server of love)
Geo Wizard: Lvl 50 Earth/Kin With Speed Boost and Stamina yay. Not to mention kick butt holds. Including Volcanic Gases, hehe. And now with his own moronic Animated Stone. And Transference!!! New and improved, 3 lvls in one day, adding to his arsenal Fulcrum Shift..oh yea. Can't wait to get some time under his belt now. I can now hurl Boulders....omfg no he didn't :) I look so pimp in my newest power...its brown and bumpy all over..can you guess?... Thats right is Stone Armor and it is kick butt. Fissure rocks my world! Fifty soon. Fifty on 12-10-2005 at 12:35am after 400hrs of hard labor Wanna throw a special shout out to Illusion Mastor, CBail, Mudpuppy, Jupiter Sweets, Dark Hollow, Lethal Fury, Pan, Majin Tank, Lotus of Death, and all the others i know I am forgetting for their help. And also to all the gameampers here at gameamp whom without I would never have made it.
Playing Card
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| 08/06/06 21:55 |
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Red_Scout
Posts: 23
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey thanks guys, I appreciate all the support... I know I'm not the only one in this boat or has been in the boat with me, but today I just couldn't handle it... everything was overwhelming and my walls came crashing down. I just gotta stand up, dust myself off and keep moving.
I don't know... just thank you.
Warning, my stories and blog is not meant for those who are easily offended. If you are one of them, then avoid the link, you wussies.
Red's Blogs
Red's Stories.
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| 08/06/06 22:32 |
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LordStarwolf
Posts: 3
Joined: 08/28/2005
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Like I said in my PM to ya, we're here for ya dude.
Guardian
Avant Guard = Emp/Rad/Psychic Defender Lvl 50 (Dedicated Healer)
Astral Plane = Peacebringer Lvl 50
Spica = Fire/Em/Energy Tank Lvl 50 (Scranker)
Avant Spines = Spines/Regen Scrapper Lvl 50 (AOE King)
Beliskner = Eng/Eng Blaster Lvl 41
Avant Kin = Ill/Kin Controller Lvl 36
BMG = AR/Dev Blaster Lvl 27
Avant Psy = Psychic Blast/Empathy Defender Lvl 20 (Offender)
Avant Def = Kinetics/Energy Blast Defender Lvl 16
Avant Stone = Stone/Storm Controller lvl 15 (Super Controller)
Umbral Plane = Warshade Lvl 14
Triumph
Lord Yu = MA/Regen Scrapper Lvl 24
Avant Psy = Rad/Psy Defender Lvl 14 (Offender)
Lord Starwolf = Sonic/Electrical Blaster Lvl 14 (Blapper)
Protector
T-99 = Ice/Ice Tanker Lvl 20
Electrostun = Electric/EM Blaster Lvl 21 (Sapper)
Starwolf = Katana/Inv Scrapper Lvl 18 (my very first toon, 3 years ago)
Avant Sonic = Sonic/Sonic Defender Lvl 14
Pinnacle
Avant Claws = Claws/Regen Scrapper Lvl 18 (Non-power pool toon)
Champion
Avant Dragon = Fire/Fire Blaster Lvl 20
And many, many, many more....
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| 08/06/06 23:48 |
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zindane26
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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I may be young, but i'm a lot more mature than most kids my age and then some. I dealt with my wieght problem on accident. i was biking to school, and I raced my friends every day, even though my bike was doing pretty bad. I have thought of dieing. I know it isn't a real solution (firm beliver in christianity) because if you kill yourself, you go to hell. That's what I believe anyway. There have been times where I don't know how i got through it. I look back, and realize what I did was horrible to myself and those involved. I blocked every thought of what hurt out. I didn't think on it. It was hard, but after a time, I thought about it. It handn't healed a bit. It burned like the beast had made claws. I still go on because I know one thing, and take happines in another. I know that it will get better, and the time I spent with anything that made me sad, was worth it to feel the joy it brought in the first place.
I recetly told a girl that I loved her. (I meant it, and still do) She was shocked. I told her I loved her because I didn't care if she rejected me, I cared enough to look past that, and say how I felt. Later that night, and into the next day, she said she loved me back. I was feeling my best. I could do anything at that time. Then, the day after, she told me she thought about it, and she didn't feel the same. Right then, I wanted to curl up and die. But the time I had with her was worth it. We were still very good friends, and are now dating. I am worried that I'm not enough for her, and that I'll end up losing her completely. I tell myself that even if she told me to F%$# off, I would still be her friend.
I have alse met a few decent people, and warron...I met the kind of girl you were reffering to. She tore a great friend of mine and myself apart, all because she wanted as many guys as she could get. Today has been one of the best of my life. I am very close with all of my friends, and they are the same. We all trust each other, and we always have something ready to help each other out. Today has also been great because the friend that left me for the hoe finnally realized I was telling the truth to him. The girl between us just wanted as many guys in as many ways as possible. She called us daddy, and other pet names which should not be mentioned. She was very persuasive, but I got through it, with my friend back. Before today, I told that hoe girl that I didn't feel the same way about her that she did me, and she flipped out, saying "I fu%$#ng trusted you " and left. Even though I don't like her, I am still glad for the time that I spent with her because I know I made her happy, and she was a great friend.
I think I can trust you all with this, you all seem to be great people who I would be even prouder to know in real life. Red scout, no one may have experinced exactly what you have. If you feel strongly for this girl, then I say tell her, and say that you just want to be with her, in any way that you can. Whatever she thinks is best, because that is probably the most comfortable thing that she will go for. I today, asked another friend who is a girl, and has a boyfriend, what she would say if I told her I love her. I don't mean to say I do, I just wanted to know. She told me that although she's has a boyfriend and has known him longer than me, she has loved me for a few weeks now. She didn't want to tell me because she's afriad that I would label her as a stalker, which I have one of. Although I don't love her, I care very much for her. Red, her situation was kind of like yours. You both have someone who you care very deeply about. You both are/were afriad to tell them because you are afriad of being rejected. You have to look past that and see that if you care for them enough, there should be no reason to NOT say that you care. I met the girl who had a boyfriend on accident, and i've only known her a few weeks. If you can like her, than trust her. If you want, be ready for a rejection. If she gets skeptical, show her this thread, and she'll probably be deeply moved. She has a man who is strong enough to tell people that he hurts without even seeing them. If all goes well and you end up with a better girl than some of the ones I have met who were pervs or wanted me for...*looks down*...that...then tell her so. Tell her she's better. Tell her you don't want to not know her. Give her room to make a desicion on if she would like to care about you or not. Even if she doesn't, soldier on. It happened with MY current girlfriend.
You might call this a fall, but I am proud of you. You can care deeply for this lady, and she should be honored to have a person like you. I will pray for you. Please let me know how this turns out Red.
I know a little bit about conflicting views as well. At all times, I feel as if I have three people speaking in my head. I do not try to quiet them. They are what makes me, me. The beast has reared it's head to me before, and I conquered it, with the help of good friends, and caring people. Sounds a little like gameamp, huh?
I have to say a little something about gameamp in general too. Everyone I've posted with on here has shown nothing but kindness, or try to steer me in the right direction. I love this community, if it were a neighborhood, I'd want to move to it.
This is something that I trust you all not to take lightly. I am going to post my name. Red, feel free to do whatever you choose, but please take my words to heart
Toby
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| 08/17/06 18:59 |
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Str0ker
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey man, I won't lie to yay. Life can suck on daily basis, but you have to find what makes you happy and keep it inside with you at all times. When you start to feel crapy just remember what makes you happy. I know that no two people have the pain, but I can honestly that I'm with you here. I'm 23 5'9" 420lbs and live everday like it was last. I just got over a realy bad drinking problem a could not have done it with out the love of my family and friends. What I'm trying to say is even I don't know you, you've got a friend here and can talk to me anytime about anything. Hit me up here or on the Game @Str0ker on Infinity, or e-mail me at Str0ker1@yahoo.com. I'll anything I can to help. Peace.
http://www.secretworldchronicle.com/bookone.php
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| 08/17/06 19:38 |
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zindane26
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Come on ampers, we need more love! Show the world what it means to be a hero! He took the time to post it to us, so we should take the time to care!
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| 08/18/06 20:00 |
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Twilight Sage
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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I'm morbidly obese as well..suffice it to say well over 400 pounds. If there's one thing I've learned it's this: people WILL tease and ridicule you. However you don't have to BE teased and ridiculed. You can turn that teasing and make it into something positive(and hey you've got size over them, remember? Give em a bodyslam and see how much they'll enjoy teasing you then! muahaha). Turn it into hard work to get yourself a good job to make money to support that girl you love.
I have a girlfriend online as well, she lives completely across the country from me. We've been dating for about 2, 2.5 years now and I've learned that you can't take things like that quickly. If it's truly meant to be and truly what you want, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to get there. It wont just happen all in one night. The only things that do are the ones not truly meaningful.
I've also learned that suicide is never the answer..ever. There's always SOMETHING that is good enough to keep you from doing it. Be it a girlfriend, a parent, a sibling, someone you admire from afar...anything at all. I've always thought those who commit suicide were incredibly selfish in most cases. Most of them, when they are doing it, they aren't thinking about those they leave behind. They're creating months, sometimes years, of mourning and grief for their friends and family. Hang in there, bud. Things'll turn around eventually. Just gotta tough it out until then.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
Which FF Character Are You?
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| 08/18/06 20:19 |
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zindane26
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Well put Mr.Sage. Red, I hope your reading these.
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| 08/18/06 20:22 |
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Cr3ss3nt
GameAmp Staff
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey dude....like everyone here has said so far.....life isnt perfect... I am 13,not really a looker..not athletic at all, and I am about 20 pounds overweight ('bout 5'3 and probably around 130lbs) I asked a girl out..we had been friends for a while, I seriously thought it was going to work..... and she just turned me down....and after that she completely removed me from her life....=( My point? **SH!T** happens....and we just have to get up, dust off, and move on.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Code: 4468-0698-2171
Guitar Hero Code: 524106631288
Brawl: Snake / Guitar Hero III: Johnny Napalm + Jimi Hendrix Flying V
Damn, no box.
CoX Global: @Cr3ss3nt1
WoW Server: Burning Legion(Horde) Zul'Jin(Alliance)
***THIS POST HAS BEEN CR3SSIFIED***
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| 08/18/06 22:00 |
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giles202
GameAmp Staff
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Ok, I typed this really long sappy story and my comp went back a page D:. I'll just write the short version,I am 15, 5' 10". 130 Lbs. I am a little skinny
I adored this girl in 6th grade (like you with yours). And one Christmas i got her this really expensive necklace, that i spent pretty much all of my money on, when i handed it to her in school she opened it and just looked and it and in a bored voice said 'Thanks'. I said "Merry Christmas" and smiled and walked toward the bus, the halls were pretty quiet and i heard a rustle of a plastic bag and turned around and saw her walking away, the garbage can was shaking, i looked inside and there was the box and the bracelet i was crushed, and didn't say a word in school to anyone for the next few months. But life goes on, I have had several g/fs and am happy, and you should be too,
if you need to talk to meabout anything i am @giles202, always willing to help someone.
Just keep on moving, you are one of the funniest, and nicest people on this site. You always have a reason for living, friends and family
This is Paramore:
If you don't know them, why are you reading this?
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| 08/19/06 10:58 |
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Red_Scout
Posts: 23
Joined: 06/27/2005
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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I don't know, I'm just trying to poot along. Over all, I'm ok now... but there are times during the day when I fall back down. Those times are hard to hide, especially I'm around someone. Its really hard to keep my emotions in check when I'm around people, I don't want them to noticed, but... sooner or later someone will notice. I will wence and I don't want to have to lie to someone when they ask and say that I have a facial tick or something.
Music is a real helper, I wish I could implant a small radio in my head that constantly plays, but eventually I'll be driven to insanity by that. I've really gotten myself attatched to Behind Blue Eyes by The Who. It's a real good song, and I can relate to it in many ways.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Warning, my stories and blog is not meant for those who are easily offended. If you are one of them, then avoid the link, you wussies.
Red's Blogs
Red's Stories.
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| 08/19/06 13:53 |
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Nitrowave
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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heh, i'm overweight too, exercise is a real helper....but my biggest help is what i like to call "happy pills", lol, not really drugs or anything, just some healthy herbs in a capsule form, keeps me regulated all day, and I'm pretty upbeat most of the time =D, probably not a big help ....but hey, thats just me, oh ....and read some Douglas Adams, that usually helps me =P
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| 08/19/06 16:07 |
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Red_Scout
Posts: 23
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Someone really needs to take the last part of title off...
Anyways, guys thanks. Some of your suggestions have inspired me to write a story, specifically the ones who mentioned to get friends to help build me up. Well that really struck home, because well... I don't have many friends around me. I have one that I know and he's busy doing his college stuff. But it doesn't matter, this story is for you. I must warn you, it's weird.
Story.
Warning, my stories and blog is not meant for those who are easily offended. If you are one of them, then avoid the link, you wussies.
Red's Blogs
Red's Stories.
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| 08/27/06 22:18 |
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Kid Standard
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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I don't chime in around here much -- mostly I sit back and absorb the wisdom of those who know more about CoH than I do. But when I feel I have something to add, I do.
And here it is: it gets better.
I don't know how old you are, Red. I'm guessing, since you say you're 4 years out of school, that you're early to mid twenties, which is about the same age I was when I thought I was going insane and was definitely depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts. I stopped paying bills and I'm still trying to pay them off. I was never in great shape, but I really let myself go because all I wanted to do was hide in my apartment and read comic books. I was desperately lonely. I had a roommate who wanted to be there for me, but I kept pushing her away all the same -- it was just friendship, nothing like romance. I had a girlfriend for a bit, and managed to completely screw things up.
And it got worse before it got better. I moved halfway across the country to be with a girl I met online, and not only did the job her dad was going to get for me not pan out, but the job I got was working for an insane lawyer who threatened on multiple occasions to kill me. In the end I moved to a city where I had a friend and crashed on his floor for three months until I could get a decent job and find an apartment.
That was August 2002. Four years later the girl and I are still together, I have a good job and a nice apartment, two cats and a rabbit. I still wish I had handled things better back then, but I have a good life and I know it.
What was said before by Nasali is true: most online relationships don't work. That said, I've seen evidence that sometimes they do. Not just my girlfriend and I (I'm not sure we'll be together in ten years, but hey, we've been together for five already), but other friends who've met online. If that girl makes you feel less lonely you don't have to tell her you love her -- just enjoy her company. If it builds to something more down the line, more power to you. If not, having a friend never hurt anybody.
I'm 30 years old, almost 31, and my life isn't perfect. No life is. But it gets better. It's like the Beatles said: I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time.
-KS
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| 08/27/06 23:15 |
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Shadow_Menace
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Im a big guy too, but for some reason never really got picked on in school. I dont wanna sound like a jerk, but this is life, no one said it will be a bed of roses. Time heals all wounds, and things move on.
Go talk to a shrink, maybe a counselor, heck even seek religion. Just don't be stupid and push away from people trying to help, it will make thing worse. You're not alone with your problems and there are people who genuinly care. But in the end, it's only you who can decide to turn things around.
I was always told to just suck it up when i went for help. Guess that's why im sometimes bitter.
Sorry for bein blunt but that's how I give advice.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
This is my signature, there are many like it but this one is mine!
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| 08/27/06 23:37 |
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Solaronn
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| RE: A Downfall of a Super Hero... I cussed in the thread... |
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Hey Scout, I'm going to give you the older guys perspective on this. Understand where thsi is coming from: I'm 47, done just about everything out there short of jumping out of planes or rock climbing, and have stayed single to this point. Now by single I mean never married, not never had a girl.
If you want your life to change, YOU Have to do it. My suggestion to you is to go out today, not tomorrow or the next day and get your life in order. Go join Weight Watchers-This program works I know from experience. 15 years ago I was 225 and lost 45 lbs. in 4 months on it. Go join a gym and spend 3 days a week in there, an hour and a half a day. Between the two, you will be a new man by next summer. To sit there and bitch about it will do nothing but get you more frustrated. Don't talk suicide. Suicide is never the answer. All it does is leave those you left behind to mourn for you for the rest of thier lives. You'll be torturing them. Think about that. You cannot fall in love with someone withnout meeting them. That's just your yearning to end your loneliness talking. Everyone wants to be happy and to be with a girl they can spend the rest of their lives with. But if you want it to be you have to work at it. That means putting the extra slice of pizza down, and no more snacks between meals etc. Start your new life today, not tomorrow. Set it as your goal to lose your extra weight and to get in shape. No one is saying you have to look like Arnold, but be the best you can be for yourself. Feel good about yourself and others will recognize that. But you have to start here. You are young yet, so do this now, before it's too late. Good Luck!
"Solaronn" (With way to many alts and servers to name)
Your results:
You are Superman| Superman |
| 95% | | Green Lantern |
| 80% | | Spider-Man |
| 70% | | Hulk |
| 70% | | The Flash |
| 70% | | Supergirl |
| 64% | | Robin |
| 52% | | Iron Man |
| 50% | | Wonder Woman |
| 49% | | Catwoman |
| 45% | | Batman |
| 30% |
| You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.
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Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...<
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| 08/28/06 08:53 |
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