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jonny k
Posts: 3
Joined: 09/15/2006
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All people who participate get cred. but i just love a good laugh!
Post your best joke/jokes (u can put as many as you want)
But, only post jokes you feel comfortable being on another website, because i will probably put the best ones on my website!
If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'!!
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| 11/08/06 17:41 |
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Fear Instiller
Posts: 3
Joined: 04/26/2006
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A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde."
Well I'll get the pilot the steward thought.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!"
OLDY BUT A GOODY
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Like that one too lol
The Best 20th Century Thinker of the 14th Century
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| 11/08/06 17:48 |
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Fear Instiller
Posts: 3
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Also Funny >.<
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.
The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
The Best 20th Century Thinker of the 14th Century
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| 11/08/06 17:52 |
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Dags
Posts: 7
Joined: 06/16/2006
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Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b****es who are getting on, get your a**es in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b**** in the kitchen."
This kid reminds me of one of my friends from school lol.
ill get around to making a new sig later
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| 11/08/06 17:52 |
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m4st3rsh4n
Posts: 0
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Two peanuts walk down a street...
...one was Assaulted.
>.<
Good old "Home Improvement".
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| 11/08/06 18:01 |
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TheGDsaint
Posts: 18
Joined: 11/21/2005
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I murdered gwens family.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!@ONE
Saint of Ascolon W/* Lvl20
Teh Saint- R/* lvl20
Rihie Numbas Rit/* Lvl20
Saint Pr P/* Lvl20
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| 11/08/06 18:01 |
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Fear Instiller
Posts: 3
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Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
Im hooked on Blond Jokes today =P
The Best 20th Century Thinker of the 14th Century
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| 11/08/06 18:06 |
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aznese guy
Posts: 12
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I'll add another blonde joke to that.
A plane crashes on a deserted island and a blonde,brunette, and redhead are the only survivors. The next island which is 100 yards away(forgot what it really was)and has people on it. So they decide to swim to the island and the brunette goes first. The brunette gets about 1/4 of the way then drowns. After that the redhead decides to go and gets halfway then drowns. Lastly the blonde swims halfway, but gets tired and turns around and swam back to the island. (50 yards+50 yards=100 yards)
Old but still funny.
quit gw for good. end of story.
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| 11/08/06 18:15 |
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Mister Pink
Posts: 1
Joined: 11/02/2006
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Blonde-joke-a-palooza!
One night, a ventriloquist was performing at the usual open-mic night, when he decided to do something he never did, which was tell blonde jokes.
He had told many of them, and the crowd was loving it, when all of a sudden a blonde woman stands up in the middle and starts yelling about the awful stereotypes on a blonde's intelligence.
The ventriloquist is immediately regretful, and begins to explain that they were just jokes, not meant to hurt anyone, when the blonde interrupts him and says "Get out of this, fella, I'm talkin' the guy sittin' on your knee!"
And more!one
A British man, a Scottish man, and an Irish man were all sitting in a pub drinking their favorite beers. All of a sudden, three flies land in each of the men's glasses.
Disgusted, the British man pushes the drink away from him, refusing to drink another drop.
The Scottish man merely shrugs, flicks the fly out of his beer, and keeps drinking.
The Irish man pulls the fly out, holding it by it's wings, and screams, "Spit it out!"
Yet more!
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.
Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
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| 11/08/06 18:42 |
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Big Boye
Posts: 5
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Well you guys are in for a treat, this is the best joke ever!
A Troll, a Tengu, and a Dwarf walk into a bar...
No wait, only the Troll and the Tengu do, the Dwarf walks UNDER the bar!
hahaha, wow, pretty funny eh?
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| 11/08/06 18:58 |
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jonny k
Posts: 3
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theres a blonde ina canoe pushing herself DOWN THE STREET with the paddles...
as she pushes herself along another blond in a car drives up next to her and says "its people like you who make all us "smart? blondes look bad! if i could swim i would go over there and kick your ass!!!
Take the Hecatomb™ TCG What Is Your Doom? quiz.
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| 11/09/06 17:19 |
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jamiz91
Posts: 5
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What do u call a one eyed dinosaurr?
-Doyouthinkhesaurus
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| 11/09/06 17:20 |
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evil geek
Posts: 15
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Ok lets just take one simple fact into consideration here, my hair is in fact blonde! you have been warned :=)
On a more serious note please make sure your jokes aren't going to offend any group, Irish jokes I thought were put to rest in the 70's, lets leave them there...
Otherwise have fun!
• Guild Wars: Mutants [MU] • Age of Conan: Ampian Forerunners •
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| 11/09/06 17:31 |
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The Imperialist
Posts: 26
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"PM Guy" is blond(e) too... but I was laughing at myself! go figure xD
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| 11/09/06 17:45 |
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Dags
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Farmer Joe and his Mule
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"
"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.
Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.
He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
ill get around to making a new sig later
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| 11/09/06 17:54 |
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Carl Jenkins
Posts: 68
Joined: 09/13/2006
Credibility: 4 pts
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A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
My hidden talent is invisibility!
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| 11/09/06 18:06 |
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Mister Pink
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| QUOTE | Ok lets just take one simple fact into consideration here, my hair is in fact blonde! you have been warned :=)
On a more serious note please make sure your jokes aren't going to offend any group, Irish jokes I thought were put to rest in the 70's, lets leave them there...
Otherwise have fun! |
No worries, it's all in good fun. I don't mean to offend anyone.
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| 11/09/06 22:02 |
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TheBeano
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DISCLAIMER: This joke contains a word that references a part of the male genetalia. You have been warned...
What do you call a dog with really short legs and steel balls?
Anyone?
SPARKIE!
I apologize if the word balls offended anyone...
EDIT: I changed the colour of the punchline... Blue makes my head hurt...
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 11/09/06 22:21 |
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knightonline555481
Posts: 2
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lol didnt hear all peoples jokes so sry once again if ppl already poseted this but here it goes ( a lil my style)
an old man has a nice little house and a big backyard and a pond near the house. He takes some meat and starts walking to the pond, but soon he hears laughter and cheers. He looks and sees ladies taking a bath in his pond. He comes up to them and they back up in the deep. They say, hey per*ert, whats so fun in watching naked girls taking a bath... the old man says: im not here to watch you ladies naked, im here to feed the crocodile.
ok.. a blonde , brunette and a red-haired girls die. When they go to heaven, god tells them, BE CAREFUL NOT TO STEP ON BLACK CLOUDS or you will get an ugly boyfriend. So after a few hours, a brunette returns with an ugly man, when people ask what happened, she answers" i steppend on a black cloud." Next, the red-haired, same thing. Then comes the blonde with a beutiful young man. Everybody asks how and what happened and the young man sadly replies:" i stepped on a black cloud."
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 11/09/06 22:38 |
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General_Dude
Posts: 16
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old cartoon joke...
Q:Why did they only make one yogi bear?
A:Because every time they tried to make a new one they made a Booboo!
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| 11/09/06 22:55 |
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Ghost Shadowblade
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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| 11/09/06 23:49 |
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Iamtehcoolorz
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The blonde jokes are awesome!!! XD
I'm never gonna change this.
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| 11/13/06 09:25 |
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Dark Knight
Posts: 16
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I'm just bumping this so It goes in my Account information and I can look back at it later, good gags. :)
This is my old account.
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| 11/13/06 09:46 |
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NexT
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why did the man with 1 hand cross the road?
A: to get to the second hand shop.
why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: too far to walk
whats the mating call of a brunette?
"all the blondes have gone home!"
(i like short jokes)
a blone a brunette and a redhead are running away from a farmer, They run into a barn and hide in 3 sacks
when the farmer comes in he kicks the first sack containing the brunette, at this the brunette says " Woof Woof" the farmer turns and says "oh its only a dog"
When the farmer kicks the second sack containing the Redhead, she says " Meow Meow" the farmer turns and says "oh its only a cat"
finally the farmer kicks the thrid sack containing the blonde, at hearing the other 2 girls the blonde decides to follow suit and says "potatoes potatoes".
See my guide to Sigs here!
GGS:- SOTW 1 :- Winner ::- Entry -::
Art-gfx:- SOTW 1 :- Winner ::- Entry -::
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| 11/13/06 09:56 |
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Master Delphi
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Q:It's Blue,but you cant see it very good...
What is it ??
A: LIGHT BLUE
Signature by:Mimori
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| 11/13/06 10:01 |
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jonny k
Posts: 3
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*bump*
Take the Hecatomb™ TCG What Is Your Doom? quiz.
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| 11/16/06 06:50 |
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johny bravo
Posts: 21
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Here is something I find funny. When I was in 4th 5th grade ( a long time ago) polish jokes were always funny.
20 years later I feel like maybe they were ahead of their time.
Joke then
Here of the new polish traffic intersection
a 4-way stop sigh (well they have them now)
Here of the new polish invention
A solar powered flash light (you guessed it they have them now)
What took the polish worker so long to get into work
He had to keep stopping to plug in his car (yup they have them too now)
So I guess all the polish people can luagh at us now.
Now for some blond jokes (I always did love them)
How do you know when a blonde has used your computer...
there is whiteout on the screen
Whats a blondes mating call....
I am drunk can someone give me a ride home
And now for a long one
A blonde come into some money and decides to buy herself a fast car. While riding through the mountains she gets behind a truck going 10 mph. She goes to pass him a nearly runs him off the road. The driver of the truck is furious and he decides to catch her. Well to his good fortune she seem to have pulled off the side of the road to talk on the phone. He pulls up in front of her gets out of his vehicle and approaches her. He tells her to get out of the car and proceeds to draw a circle in the dirt. He tells the blonde that she better not get out fo the circle. He xplains to her what she did and how is is mad about it. She of course stands there with a clueless look on her face. The driver turns around to goto his truck to get a pad and pencil to write down her info and when he come back she is laughing hysterically. Well thats it he says, he picks up a rock turns around and smashes her side mirror. When he turns around the blonde is laughing again. So he then goes around the car and breaks all her windows. Whn he gets back she is just about rolling on the floor. Well this is it he says. He gets a bat out of his truck and smashes all the panneling on the car; but, guess what still laughing. The man gives up witha beaten look on his face finally ask the blonde what is so funny.
The blonde replies:
you promise you won't get mad.
Yes replies the driver.
well you see everytime you turn around I step out of the circle.
The true test of any technology is its ability to obtain porn.
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| 11/16/06 07:15 |
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mriswith
Posts: 120
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| QUOTE |
Now for some blond jokes (I always did love them)
How do you know when a blonde has used your computer...
there is whiteout on the screen |
How do you know that her blonde sister went behind the computer after her?
She wrote the corrections on the screen over the whiteout...
Just had to add that one ^^
EDIT: word mixup :S
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
necromancer all the way
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| 11/16/06 07:23 |
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johny bravo
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE |
Now for some blond jokes (I always did love them)
How do you know when a blonde has used your computer...
there is whiteout on the screen |
How do you know that her blonde sister went after the computer after her?
She wrote the corrections on the screen over the whiteout...
Just had to add that one ^^ |
Very nice
Here is another quick one
How do you hide money form a hippie.........
Put it unde rhte soap (+cred for the first person to name the groupa and song that came from)
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
The true test of any technology is its ability to obtain porn.
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| 11/16/06 07:30 |
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Carl Jenkins
Posts: 68
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I got another one
A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
My hidden talent is invisibility!
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| 11/16/06 19:41 |
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