DeathFetish
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| Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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A LETTER TO
OPTIMUS PRIME
FROM HIS GEICO
AUTO INSURANCE
AGENT.
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Dear Mr. Prime,
We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.
Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."
The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.
But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:
* $379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.
* $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.
* $6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.
And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.
To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.
Regards,
Simon Furman
GEICO Agent
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| 08/15/07 13:31 |
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Aurrius
Posts: 31
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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LOL!
Nice one, DF :)
@Aurrius | Paragon Knights | Ultimate Darkness | Union
| QUOTE | His name was Hearthbourne
Plays City of Heroes till the break of dawn
He likes his Scrappers
But will not settle for those Blappers
But when he gets out Thundercharge
Those PvP'ers die in the large |
My guides:
Broadsword/Regeneration Scrapper
Claws/Regeneration Scrapper
Energy Melee/Electric Armour Brute
Dual Blades/Willpower Scrapper
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| 08/15/07 13:34 |
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BishopDon
GameAmp Staff
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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ROFLMAO!
That was a good one DF!
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| 08/15/07 13:38 |
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Chuck Bronco
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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2 thumbs "way" up!
Tank'ns my Bidness and Bidness is GOOD!
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| 08/15/07 14:15 |
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Str0ker
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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Ms. Meg Atron? LOL then ROFLMAO!
http://www.secretworldchronicle.com/bookone.php
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| 08/15/07 14:20 |
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asani
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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ROFLMAO
excellent job on that DF that is a perfect 10 in my books.
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still ROFLMAO
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| 08/15/07 17:03 |
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Commander Scar
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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the question is, its now the end of Aug. Did Mr. Prime ever get that check into the main office by the end of July?
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| 08/22/07 16:31 |
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Thundarpants
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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That was awesome!
| QUOTE | While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.
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Great final dig on our boy Optimus.
World of Warcraft
Don't hate Raza because she's beautiful......
Because she's not......
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| 08/22/07 17:06 |
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Malicious_Intent_2001
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| RE: Letter to Optimus Prime from Geico |
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That's great stuff.
Malicious
"Hell is empty, and all the devils are here." - William Shakespeare
Another beautiful Death Fetish creation.
GUARDIAN
Mr Brightside - Lvl 50 Illusion/Radiation Emission Controller w/ PSIONICS MASTERY
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GLOBAL
@Malicious-Intent
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| 08/22/07 21:48 |
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