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RevBudGreen
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One issue going on in my home is "Going to church and which one to go to". My fiance grew up strict Lutheran, while I have a very diverse up bringing. I grew up in a Free Methodist Chruch. Went to a Lutheran middle school, and a Baptist High School. I currently am a member of a Nazarene Church. Anyway, my mom sent this to me and I found it very funny and thought I would share it.
PLEASE....THIS IS A JOKE MEANT TO MAKE YOU SMILE...IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH RELIGEON IS RIGHT OR WRONG, WHETHER GOD EXISTS OR DOESNT, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. SO PLEASE KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF AND JUST ENJOY THE JOKE.
Change a Light Bulb
ow many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. Or... Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE???????
No. Really, how many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
How many Church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?
Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the ures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men.
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because anymore would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.
How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.
How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement of either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
No. Really, How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The lights are on, but no one's home.
How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
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| 04/25/08 19:45 |
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Ataxia
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| QUOTE | How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb? |
Gotta love insulting the amish on the net... victim less crimes are fun.
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| 04/25/08 19:49 |
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itsthatemochild
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i know this isnt religious, but this one was funny enough it needed sharing:
how many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. one to change the bulb, one to write a song about it, and one to listen to the song and cry in a corner
"The most merciful thing in the world... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." -H.P. Lovecraft
"He who is not radical at twenty has no heart,
while he who is still radical at forty has no brain."
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| 04/25/08 22:25 |
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Demon Slaya of God
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| QUOTE | i know this isnt religious, but this one was funny enough it needed sharing:
how many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. one to change the bulb, one to write a song about it, and one to listen to the song and cry in a corner |
believe it or not, but there are some ppl that are emo here that don't follow the stereotypical trend (me being one of them) and find that a little offensive... plus u it's 4, one to change the light bulb, one to write a song, once to cry in a corner from the song, and one that cuts himself because he heard the song was sad from his the corner kid
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| 04/25/08 23:26 |
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Chrisworld
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE | i know this isnt religious, but this one was funny enough it needed sharing:
how many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. one to change the bulb, one to write a song about it, and one to listen to the song and cry in a corner |
believe it or not, but there are some ppl that are emo here that don't follow the stereotypical trend (me being one of them) and find that a little offensive... plus u it's 4, one to change the light bulb, one to write a song, once to cry in a corner from the song, and one that cuts himself because he heard the song was sad from his the corner kid |
| QUOTE | PLEASE....THIS IS A JOKE MEANT TO MAKE YOU SMILE...IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH RELIGEON IS RIGHT OR WRONG, WHETHER GOD EXISTS OR DOESNT, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. SO PLEASE KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF AND JUST ENJOY THE JOKE.
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Gameamp Guides [AMP]
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| 04/26/08 01:00 |
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everdream
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| QUOTE | | believe it or not, but there are some ppl that are emo here that don't follow the stereotypical trend |
wouldn't that just make them a plain-jane person then that has an aweful taste in attire/piercings then? (btw, those spacers people put in their ears, permanently screw their ear up... forever, so when that 'trend' is dead they'll look like a dork for the rest of their life)
would it be clashy to say to an Emo, grow a thicker skin? lol, seriously.
last i heard, being Emo is a stereotypical trend, sort of like Goth. now, you can dress like a Goth/Emo/insert here-today-gone-tomorrow trend here, and not actually follow any of their 'technicalities'... but then you're just a person that's a bit of a poser, actually, not a bit, you are a poser then...
but, i guess people want to be different, just like everyone else. lol.
back on topic...
i'm was raised alliance / baptist and my Grandfather who will be marrying me in less than a month is a retired Reverand and now Chaplin... btw, and i don't take any offense to this, infact, i'll add one, and yea, it's meant to be a joke...
it's actually one of my grandpa's jokes...
he said to me...
'You know, baptist's are the most effective religion, because when they get a hold of a hethan, they hold them under the water until they SEE THE LIGHT!'
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information.
Winston Churchill
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| 04/26/08 02:06 |
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Xaviak
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE | | believe it or not, but there are some ppl that are emo here that don't follow the stereotypical trend |
wouldn't that just make them a plain-jane person then that has an aweful taste in attire/piercings then? (btw, those spacers people put in their ears, permanently screw their ear up... forever, so when that 'trend' is dead they'll look like a dork for the rest of their life)
would it be clashy to say to an Emo, grow a thicker skin? lol, seriously.
last i heard, being Emo is a stereotypical trend, sort of like Goth. now, you can dress like a Goth/Emo/insert here-today-gone-tomorrow trend here, and not actually follow any of their 'technicalities'... but then you're just a person that's a bit of a poser, actually, not a bit, you are a poser then...
but, i guess people want to be different, just like everyone else. lol.
back on topic...
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I don't get this emo trend. Emos live in a wellfare state, got a roof over their head, food in front of them, and obviously, the interwebz. So, what's there to be "emo" about? Sort of self-centered,imo. So like ED said (wee, I agree with him!) sounds like posing to me.
Back on topic aswell....
ZOmg you got tons of different branches of religion. O.o
The only ones we got around here are like catholic, orthodox and lutheran. :P
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 04/26/08 06:40 |
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Wyat_hawke
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Wait wait, no jokes on atheists and agnostics? o_O
that's a shame, I would've really liked to hear what I'm really like. After all, small one-liners always tells the truth about a whole group of people. One-liners are the truth, much like Chuck Norris.
On the topic, I agree with Xaviak, here in Norway we've hardly got all these religious branches ^_^
But I have to admit I laughed at quite a few. + cred from me.
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| 04/26/08 08:43 |
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Deathaxe
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Better emo than a mainstreamer. What's this emo-hate? Most of my friends are what people call "emos". They are the most fun people I have ever met in my life.
About that disclaimer, it was for his own post, Chris. Itsthatemochild posted a thing that can offend people. Itsthatemochild, directly to you: When you post more stuff which -may- be able to offend people; make a disclaimer or GTFO.
That was not a flame, as people may think.
On topic, I actually like the jokes. +credit from me.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
(Edited by Gameamp staff)
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| 04/26/08 09:52 |
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RevBudGreen
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| QUOTE | Wait wait, no jokes on atheists and agnostics? o_O
that's a shame, I would've really liked to hear what I'm really like. After all, small one-liners always tells the truth about a whole group of people. One-liners are the truth, much like Chuck Norris.
On the topic, I agree with Xaviak, here in Norway we've hardly got all these religious branches ^_^
But I have to admit I laughed at quite a few. + cred from me. |
Athiests don't believe in light and Agnostics arent sure it even exists.
You have your entire life to be a jerk. So why don't you take today off?
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| 04/26/08 10:05 |
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Xaviak
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| QUOTE | Better emo than a fucking mainstreamer. What's this emo-hate? Most of my friends are what people call "emos". They are the most fun people I have ever met in my life.
About that disclaimer, it was for his own post, Chris. Itsthatemochild posted a retarded thing that can offend people. Itsthatemochild, directly to you: When you post more retarded stuff which -may- be able to offend people; make a fucking disclaimer or GTFO.
That was not a flame, as people may think.
On topic, I actually like the jokes. +credit from me. |
I'm sorry to say but emo is mainstream. Emo hate? Well, I don't know about the rest, but I stated a few reasons in my earlier post. I don't see the reason why emos should be so...emo. They live in much better circumstances than most of the population around the world, what are they crying and whining about? Those people who actually have something to whine about, those who live in extreme poverty, I don't see them trying to slit their wrists with some freaking library card. They couldn't even afford the emowear and style if they sold their souls to the Devil.
And as a side note, well the actual reason why I replied to you: Mind the gap...uhmz...language I mean. :P
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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WoW@GA is looking for new staffers! More info HERE!
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| 04/26/08 10:22 |
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Deathaxe
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| QUOTE |
I'm sorry to say but emo is mainstream. Emo hate? Well, I don't know about the rest, but I stated a few reasons in my earlier post. I don't see the reason why emos should be so...emo. They live in much better circumstances than most of the population around the world, what are they crying and whining about? |
Are you stupid, or do you just look like it? I don't have anything against you, but please, get a decent deion of "emo."
| QUOTE | Emo is also often associated with a certain fashion. The term "emo" is sometimes stereotyped with tight jeans on males and females alike, long fringe (bangs) brushed to one side of the face or over one or both eyes, dyed black, straight hair, tight t-shirts (sometimes short sleeved) which often bear the names of rock bands (or other designed shirts), studded belts, belt buckles, canvas sneakers or skate shoes or other black shoes (often old and beaten up) and thick, black horn-rimmed glasses. Emo fashion has changed with time. Early trends included straight, unparted hair, tightly fitting sweaters, button-down shirts, and work jackets. This fashion has at times been characterized as a fad.
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Emo is a way of music and fashion.
| QUOTE | | In recent years the popular media has associated emo with a stereotype that includes being emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, or angsty. It is also associated with depression, self-injury, and suicide. |
It is associated with depression. It doesn't mean all emos are depressed. It's the media who are exaggerating.
| QUOTE | | I don't see them trying to slit their wrists with some freaking library card. They couldn't even afford the emowear and style if they sold their souls to the Devil. |
Don't you fucking dare to say emos will slit their wrists for no reason. My best friend slit her wrist Januari 24th, and she DEFINITELY had something to feel depressed about, so leave these retarded comments out of here.
Oh, and you point of selling your soul to the devil; where the fuck did you hear that? Those are people worshipping Satanism, which has nothing to do with emos. Those can be normal people, like you (If you consider yourself normal) and Goths and whatever. Emos are least likely to worship satanism, because all they want is more happiness
I can't wait for your reply.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
(Edited by Gameamp staff)
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| 04/26/08 10:56 |
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Skippz
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Emo, religion, what's the difference? It's all put on.
Signature Made By Blazings! <3
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| 04/26/08 11:03 |
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RevBudGreen
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Guys, I posted this to give everyone a smile and a laugh, and I asked to keep the personal opinions and things out of it. Can we please do that?????
You have your entire life to be a jerk. So why don't you take today off?
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| 04/26/08 11:18 |
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Xaviak
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I'll PM you my reply Daxy, And sorry Rev, I liked 'em though. :P
EDIT: But quit swearing, zomg.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
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| 04/26/08 11:23 |
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RevBudGreen
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| QUOTE | | I'll PM you my reply Daxy, And sorry Rev, I liked 'em though. :P |
It's Ok. I know it's a forum and it would be out of the normal for a thread to stay on topic. LOL!! I just didn't want to start anything bad. As you know when i first joined I came in with a real bad attitude (Lots of personal stuff going on and I took out my anger here). Since then i have tried to be a good part of this community and avoid negativity. I just didn't want this to turn into something like that.
Anyhow, I am glad you enjoyed them. I really got a kick out of them too on a day when I really needed a good laugh.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
You have your entire life to be a jerk. So why don't you take today off?
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| 04/26/08 11:27 |
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Deathaxe
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I like your jokes. It was not my intention to flame; I apologize for that. It was my intention to teach people how emo is used wrong.
(Edited by Gameamp staff)
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| 04/26/08 11:31 |
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RevBudGreen
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| QUOTE | | I like your jokes. It was not my intention to flame; I apologize for that. It was my intention to teach people how emo is used wrong. |
It's all good bro. Can you do me one thing? I am 37 and sometimes I'm a little out of the loop on things. I have no clue what the heck an emo is. Can you send me a PM and explain it to me please. Thanks : )
You have your entire life to be a jerk. So why don't you take today off?
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| 04/26/08 11:43 |
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maddog199
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| QUOTE | | Athiests don't believe in light and Agnostics arent sure it even exists. |
That was almost too easy, almost.
Nice jokes.
Impossible? Hardly
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| 04/26/08 12:16 |
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Bubbada Muse
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nice jokes rev, +cred
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| 04/26/08 12:39 |
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Aeon
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At rev, and itsthatemochild: Nice jokes.
At everyone complaining about them: The jokes are making fun of the stereotypes, not the actual people, so stop complaining and taking them personally, unless you do actually fit that stereotype - in which case, you are probably a poser anyway as all the actual people it "makes fun of" do not actually match the stereotype.
Too many people try too hard to get offended.
OMG STAN IS PEDOBEAR!
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| 04/26/08 13:00 |
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Aeon
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| QUOTE | Emos are least likely to worship satanism, because all they want is more happiness
|
You talk about stereotypes being wrong, and then you go and talk about a false stereotype yourself. That's pretty funny.
Oh, and to clear it up for you:
True Satanism is pretty much a branch of Christianity, whereby you (as they would say it) give in to the temptation of the Devil. The point of satanism is to fulfil your temptations and desires as long as they do not conflict with laws. So, emos are no less likely to be satanist than anyone else. The only thing "bad" associated with satanism is the name, and nutjob occultists. True Satanism is the religion which would give you the most tangible happiness. Its a pity everybody tarnishes it with the view that all the people who burn churches are the same as this.
And before anybody says it: No, I'm not a satanist.
OMG STAN IS PEDOBEAR!
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| 04/26/08 13:05 |
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everdream
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hehe, again, good jokes Rev, i printed em, lol...
in regards to Emo, i don't really care about people's beliefs as it will never really affect me so i don't care.
i just don't get why dudes would wear black skin-tight pants that would really suit a fit chick.
emo's styling is just a bad mash of other trends that have come and died (particularly the 1980's bad-rocker look avec spandex and generally dressing like girls), the worst from all sides (punk's hair, goth's makeup)... now it's being 'remixed' and guess what? it looked like crap back in the 1980's/90's and it looks like crap now, nothing has changed, but hey, more power to emo's, just means that getting hot girls is all that easier for my friends, haha.
emo's just an excuse for boys to act like girls in hopes of possibly getting some pitty-tail, which doesn't work ;) lol.
but hey, i'd join a popular emo band if it meant getting super rich off of some suckers that obviously have too much money to buy records and go to concerts, but are somehow struggling with life...
Edit: btw, i have a sterotype too, it'd be Redneck/Jock, so anyone offended can go ahead and make fun of my sterotype, see if i care and start swearing at people defending the BS about it. lol.
***THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED***
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information.
Winston Churchill
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| 04/26/08 13:27 |
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Deathaxe
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE | Emos are least likely to worship satanism, because all they want is more happiness
|
You talk about stereotypes being wrong, and then you go and talk about a false stereotype yourself. That's pretty funny.
Oh, and to clear it up for you:
True Satanism is pretty much a branch of Christianity, whereby you (as they would say it) give in to the temptation of the Devil. The point of satanism is to fulfil your temptations and desires as long as they do not conflict with laws. So, emos are no less likely to be satanist than anyone else. The only thing "bad" associated with satanism is the name, and nutjob occultists. True Satanism is the religion which would give you the most tangible happiness. Its a pity everybody tarnishes it with the view that all the people who burn churches are the same as this.
And before anybody says it: No, I'm not a satanist. |
This discussion was a few hours ago.
And, a branch of christianity? Not in the slightest. Satanism is the total opposite of Christianity.
(Edited by Gameamp staff)
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| 04/26/08 15:48 |
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Travis
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sorry this topic really made me LOL and ive decided to log in again just to say that.
Plus "emo" isnt a fashion/music style.
EMO = Emotional.
so its not what someone in this thread said its an term to describe the way a person is feeling.
Emo's are Depressed 75% of the time.
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| 04/26/08 16:25 |
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Aeon
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE | | QUOTE | Emos are least likely to worship satanism, because all they want is more happiness
|
You talk about stereotypes being wrong, and then you go and talk about a false stereotype yourself. That's pretty funny.
Oh, and to clear it up for you:
True Satanism is pretty much a branch of Christianity, whereby you (as they would say it) give in to the temptation of the Devil. The point of satanism is to fulfil your temptations and desires as long as they do not conflict with laws. So, emos are no less likely to be satanist than anyone else. The only thing "bad" associated with satanism is the name, and nutjob occultists. True Satanism is the religion which would give you the most tangible happiness. Its a pity everybody tarnishes it with the view that all the people who burn churches are the same as this.
And before anybody says it: No, I'm not a satanist. |
This discussion was a few hours ago.
And, a branch of christianity? Not in the slightest. Satanism is the total opposite of Christianity. |
Yes, and I replied several hours ago...
Actually, its based on Christian principles. Satan, the personification of temptation. Which other religion has Satan as temptation? Oh that's right, Christianity.
Before blindly charging into arguments, try thinking about what you're going to say.
OMG STAN IS PEDOBEAR!
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| 04/26/08 16:27 |
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sonofjenova7
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Haha, those are pretty funny.
But I do have an alternate answer to the emo one that I heard first.
How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let them cry in the dark.
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| 04/26/08 19:09 |
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Forumite
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| QUOTE | "emo" isnt a fashion/music style.
EMO = Emotional. |
Agreed, i think if your "Un"Depressed, you aren't an EMO, you are belonging to some other branch in trends and/or lifestyle, EMO means Emotional for a reason, its not that EMO stands for bald heads in sportswear with a hundred others dancing to fast beats, unemotional emo's, new trend? if so, name it Uemo.
Makes a difference.
I honestly cannot and constantly fail to see any difference whatsoever from an emo group and a goth cult, its pretty much in my terms the same thing in looks & dress codes, the actual dealing with everyday life is perhaps mildly different, but for the average person hard to spot who's who.
You are allowed to disagree with this fully, but we are talking here about average persons, not fellow emo's or goths who will notice the difference.
As for the jokes, Stereotypes are fun yeah, aslong as you can get the message across beforehand its all jokes and such, always some bugger who doesn't read it and starts causing havoc.
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| 04/26/08 19:45 |
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Aeon
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| QUOTE | | QUOTE | "emo" isnt a fashion/music style.
EMO = Emotional. |
Agreed, i think if your "Un"Depressed, you aren't an EMO, you are belonging to some other branch in trends and/or lifestyle, EMO means Emotional for a reason, its not that EMO stands for bald heads in sportswear with a hundred others dancing to fast beats, unemotional emo's, new trend? if so, name it Uemo.
Makes a difference.
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You're too late, there's already a name for it! That name is "Scene Kid".
OMG STAN IS PEDOBEAR!
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| 04/26/08 19:47 |
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Forumite
Posts: 8
Joined: 01/05/2008
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Good that there's another name for it then, atleast we can now define an Emotional Emo and one that wears Goth Clothing and is all tears and sorrow on the outside but lacks deep emotions to truly carry the darkened heart.
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| 04/26/08 19:52 |
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